April 7, 2008

Today seemed like it would never end. Larry and I stayed at the Ronald McDonald house last night, and it was very difficult to feel at ease. I had a lot of difficulties just trying to sleep, and the bed was not comfortable at all with my sore body.

We got to Children's close to 11 a.m. and we stayed there until almost 10 p.m. I am now officially a walking zombie and I cannot remember what day it is anymore. Kaydence was still active with wiggling her fingers and toes, so she gave us a lot to smile about. She even opened up one eye, but only for a quick second.

Update:
She is completely off her morphine drip
They decreased her respiratory assistance
She still continues to have wet diapers
She is becoming more alert everyday

**We didn't leave her side all day, and yet every person that our nurse said would come to talk to us....never showed. I was falling asleep by her crib, in the breastpump room, and even on the freakin toilet! I wanted to stay until we could finally speak to someone. Well, that time came...and we are now at a loss for words.

The resident doctor came to her crib around 6 p.m. and asked us if we had any questions about her condition. So we asked the basic stuff, and she attempted to give us as many answers as she could. Then she broke the news to us that Kaydence had an ultrasound on her brain and they discovered that she has a grade 2 brain bleed. Our bodies went numb, and the room started to spin. I felt just as empty and helpless as I did on December 28th when we were told that Kaydence had a tumor and would probably die. We still have a lot of research to do on brain hemorrhaging, but it isn't good any way you look at it. Apparently, there are 4 different grades of bleeds: 4 being the worst, and 1 being the least harmful. No medication can heal or stop her brain from bleeding. Only time and God can heal her now, and all we can do is pray for the best outcome possible. They are saying that damage has probably already been done.

I did get to change her diaper for the first time today, and that was really special. Larry took some snap shots of her new and improved butt...so we will post those tomorrow for everyone to see.

We are extremely exhausted right now, and emotionally drained. I did not want to go back to the RMH because I need some alone time, and not share my life with a house full of strangers. The concierge manager organized a room for us to stay in for the night so I could be alone. We don't know where we will be from day to day right now...but that is okay, because we will be near Kaydence through the day hours.

Thanks for your prayers and all the support you are giving us. Also pray for our Kaylee-bug, she hurt herself at gym today and handled it like a big girl. She is staying with Izzy and Todd this week, and having a whole lot of fun. She even wore her new "I'm a Big Sister" shirt to school today. :)